Blogging and Business
If you’re new to home business and considering starting a weblog (blog) to promote your business, here are a few tips to get you started. Blogging for business is different from keeping personal blog, so be sure to go about it the right way. Be professional, and keep in mind that you’re representing your home-based company at all times.
Know Your Audience
When designing your blog and choosing the topics you’ll write about, keep your audience in mind. If you’re writing to an audience of beginners, be sure to write on a beginner level. If you’re catering to tech savvy gurus, don’t’ bore them to tears with the basics. Keep your posts relevant and on topic, and always keep your reader in mind. After all – that’s who you’re taking the time to write for!
Use Your Unique Voice
Blogs are popular because they put a personal face on business. Great for small business owners, they add personality and a unique flair to formerly stuffy business affairs. Use your blog to show your readers what a day in your home based business is like. Discuss your thoughts, observations, and personal insights. But don’t forget to keep your posts relevant, on topic, and enjoyable for the reader.
Share Some Link Love
The best way, by far, to get traffic to your blog is through a network of back links. Take the time to read other blogs that are similar to your blog. Write about them on your blog, and link to them. These bloggers will be thrilled, and most will give you reciprocal backlinks, providing great organic traffic to your blog from their readers. Everyone loves free traffic, so share some link love today! It’s always appreciated in the blogosphere, and it’s a great way to win friends and influence people.
Focus Your Content
Search engines love keyword focused content. When writing a post, pick out the main theme, and choose keywords that showcase it. Repeat them throughout your post as often as possible, without forcing them or making your text sound unnatural. This helps the search engines to know what your post is about and find your blog quickly and easily – and everyone loves it when the search engines can find their blog!
Update Regularly
Blogs that aren’t updated regularly quickly lose visitors. No one likes to visit daily or weekly and see the same content over and over. Choose a regular day of the week to update your blog, and stick to it. If you can’t keep up with your blog, consider hiring a ghostwriter to do this task for you. Updating your blog regularly is key to Blogging success.
A blog can be a terrific addition to your home based business, allowing you to keep in touch with your clients on a personal level. They can interact with you through blog comments, and see a more personal side of you, the business owner. You can promote your business across the Internet for free by interacting with other bloggers, share your business’s growth and development with clients and potential clients, and add a personal touch to all your business dealings. Blogging is a great addition to any home business.
Article Source: http://www.faithfulgrannies.com and http://www.workathomedivasonline.com/index.html
Marcia Chumbley is a work at home mom and grandmother in Minnesota. She is the owner of a Christian Work From Home Moms and Grandparents web site at http://www.faithfulgrannies.com and Work At Home Moms and Divas http://wwwworkathomedivasonline.com.index.html. Bringing generations of Christian Work From Home Moms, Grandmothers, Parents, Boomers and Families together while providing FREE Advertising Networking and Resources, while balancing the work at home experience.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Rekindling the Flame
Rekindling the Flame
As boomers grow older, history shared between longtime partners becomes more valuable. But keeping love alive can be challenging.
"A long-standing intimate shared history cannot be replaced," says Albuquerque, N.M.-based, marriage and relationship counselor Nancy Romero.
Romero, a boomer, says that valuing deep connections, whether in marriage or friendship, is part of an almost universal midlife search for meaning in life.
"Boomers are more reflective about what has spiritual and deeper meaning in our lives. Our relationships are right up there. We treasure them," she says. "Most of us have learned how to have a house and a car and a job, but the critical work now is to find what adds meaning to our lives. The connection with others is something we are ready to value."
Romero, who has been practicing more than 20 years and heads Accelerated Family Counseling, explains that many couples in long-term relationships often love each other and are committed to each other, but fall short of having the rewards they could find together because of lingering resentments.
"When couples come to see me they usually have some accumulation of anger," she says. "My job is to hold the hope for the relationship until they find the hope again for themselves. I hold a deposit of hope while they work through the wall of anger with the other partner and find what's underneath. There is often so much love underneath, once they get past their big issues."
A Deeper Level Romero is a certified Imago therapist, a style that draws on the popular work of Harville Hendrix, a psychology professor and author of "Getting the Love You Want." In couples therapy and workshops, she teaches communication, connection and resolution skills that support relationships and help couples connect on a deeper level.
Couples learn to really listen to each other's needs, concerns and desires without escalating to anger, she says. Ambushing your partner with an issue you have been stewing about all day isn't conducive to keeping the peace and nurturing the love.
"Schedule time for arguments. Tell your partner you have an issue and you need to talk about it. Set a time within the next 24 hours to talk about it. If someone blows up, you need to get apart for at least 30 minutes, but then come back and discuss it or find a time to talk about it again when tempers have cooled off."
Hendrix writes on his Web site, harvillehendrix.org, that conflict is a natural part of relationships. "Conflict is supposed to happen. Conflict is a sign that the psyche is trying to survive, to get its needs met and become whole. It's only without this knowledge that conflict is destructive.
"Divorce does not solve the problems of a relationship. We may get rid of our partners, but we keep our problems, carting them off to the next relationship."
Romero says most baby boomers understand that, in general, men and women have different relationship needs and abilities.
"Both partners need confidants outside the relationship to talk about issues. Women, in general, need to process feelings more than men do," she says. "Men just don't process feelings as much. Men definitely need to learn a supportive way to be patient and listen. But women need to learn to turn to their friends to process their feelings or they can overwhelm a man with their emotional needs."
Researchers at the University of Washington who study couples in an apartment laboratory dubbed "The Love Lab" and who follow the relationships over time have found that four behaviors -- complaining, stonewalling, defensiveness and contempt for the other -- doom marriages and other partnerships.
Old Resentments Researcher John Gottman, head of the Gottman Institute, says he can predict with about 90 percent accuracy which marriages will fail and which will succeed by the prevalence of those behaviors, according to the University of Washington Web site, washington.edu.
In a news release, Gottman describes what happens to couples in midlife who are exhausted from conflict.
"These couples are alienated and avoidant. They are people you see in a restaurant who are not talking to each other. They raised kids together, but there is not much going on with each other and they realize their marriage is empty," he says. "These couples stifle things and do not raise issues with their partner. Their marriages are a suppression of negative emotion and a lack of positive emotion. It is a very passive and distant relationship with no laughing, love or interest in each other. This style of suppression can cause intense loneliness that's almost like dying."
Ending the relationship may seem inevitable, but even these kinds of partnerships can "have a renaissance," he says. "A therapist can work with failed dreams, individually and as a couple, to rebuild the relationship."
Finding the fun and the connection again helps rebuild the relationship.
Romero suggests a weekly date night with a twist. Partners alternate planning and surprise the other. That includes arranging child or elder care, she says.
"The other's job is to go along and enjoy whatever it is. No complaining," she says. Couples often get locked into roles of giver and receiver and the date night role switching helps them practice the other part, she says. "People forget to put energy into their relationship. Romance needs renewing."
Separate, enjoyable activities are also crucial, she says. "You have to have a life separate from your partner, so you have something to share when you come back together," she says.
Tom Bien, an Albuquerque psychologist, meditation teacher and author, says dating your spouse when you are resentful toward him or her, might not feel so good.
"Start and maintain a positive cycle of interactions. People can be afraid to give to the other as a kind of giving in to them. Instead, think of it as giving to the relationship. Remember to do special things regularly, even daily, for happiness in your relationship. Giving to the relationship is the basis for getting from it."
Honoring the differences that men and women experience during lovemaking makes it more enjoyable for both partners, Bien says. "Most women do need a romantic evening to get ready for sex. Men do well to enjoy this as long 'foreplay.'"
Bien advocates couples find a cause or experience larger than the relationship to share. "Maybe this is your religious faith or spirituality. Maybe this is a goal you have in common or common activities you love, like golf or dancing."
How to Reconnect Researcher John Gottman offers these tips for putting the zing back in your marriage:
Seek help early.
Edit yourself from blurting out critical and hurtful comments.
Bring up problems gently.
Arguments escalate when a critical comment is expressed with contempt.
Allow the other to influence your behavior.
Learn to repair and exit an argument.
Back down. In marriage, as in martial art, yielding is often necessary to win.
Focus on the bright side.
As boomers grow older, history shared between longtime partners becomes more valuable. But keeping love alive can be challenging.
"A long-standing intimate shared history cannot be replaced," says Albuquerque, N.M.-based, marriage and relationship counselor Nancy Romero.
Romero, a boomer, says that valuing deep connections, whether in marriage or friendship, is part of an almost universal midlife search for meaning in life.
"Boomers are more reflective about what has spiritual and deeper meaning in our lives. Our relationships are right up there. We treasure them," she says. "Most of us have learned how to have a house and a car and a job, but the critical work now is to find what adds meaning to our lives. The connection with others is something we are ready to value."
Romero, who has been practicing more than 20 years and heads Accelerated Family Counseling, explains that many couples in long-term relationships often love each other and are committed to each other, but fall short of having the rewards they could find together because of lingering resentments.
"When couples come to see me they usually have some accumulation of anger," she says. "My job is to hold the hope for the relationship until they find the hope again for themselves. I hold a deposit of hope while they work through the wall of anger with the other partner and find what's underneath. There is often so much love underneath, once they get past their big issues."
A Deeper Level Romero is a certified Imago therapist, a style that draws on the popular work of Harville Hendrix, a psychology professor and author of "Getting the Love You Want." In couples therapy and workshops, she teaches communication, connection and resolution skills that support relationships and help couples connect on a deeper level.
Couples learn to really listen to each other's needs, concerns and desires without escalating to anger, she says. Ambushing your partner with an issue you have been stewing about all day isn't conducive to keeping the peace and nurturing the love.
"Schedule time for arguments. Tell your partner you have an issue and you need to talk about it. Set a time within the next 24 hours to talk about it. If someone blows up, you need to get apart for at least 30 minutes, but then come back and discuss it or find a time to talk about it again when tempers have cooled off."
Hendrix writes on his Web site, harvillehendrix.org, that conflict is a natural part of relationships. "Conflict is supposed to happen. Conflict is a sign that the psyche is trying to survive, to get its needs met and become whole. It's only without this knowledge that conflict is destructive.
"Divorce does not solve the problems of a relationship. We may get rid of our partners, but we keep our problems, carting them off to the next relationship."
Romero says most baby boomers understand that, in general, men and women have different relationship needs and abilities.
"Both partners need confidants outside the relationship to talk about issues. Women, in general, need to process feelings more than men do," she says. "Men just don't process feelings as much. Men definitely need to learn a supportive way to be patient and listen. But women need to learn to turn to their friends to process their feelings or they can overwhelm a man with their emotional needs."
Researchers at the University of Washington who study couples in an apartment laboratory dubbed "The Love Lab" and who follow the relationships over time have found that four behaviors -- complaining, stonewalling, defensiveness and contempt for the other -- doom marriages and other partnerships.
Old Resentments Researcher John Gottman, head of the Gottman Institute, says he can predict with about 90 percent accuracy which marriages will fail and which will succeed by the prevalence of those behaviors, according to the University of Washington Web site, washington.edu.
In a news release, Gottman describes what happens to couples in midlife who are exhausted from conflict.
"These couples are alienated and avoidant. They are people you see in a restaurant who are not talking to each other. They raised kids together, but there is not much going on with each other and they realize their marriage is empty," he says. "These couples stifle things and do not raise issues with their partner. Their marriages are a suppression of negative emotion and a lack of positive emotion. It is a very passive and distant relationship with no laughing, love or interest in each other. This style of suppression can cause intense loneliness that's almost like dying."
Ending the relationship may seem inevitable, but even these kinds of partnerships can "have a renaissance," he says. "A therapist can work with failed dreams, individually and as a couple, to rebuild the relationship."
Finding the fun and the connection again helps rebuild the relationship.
Romero suggests a weekly date night with a twist. Partners alternate planning and surprise the other. That includes arranging child or elder care, she says.
"The other's job is to go along and enjoy whatever it is. No complaining," she says. Couples often get locked into roles of giver and receiver and the date night role switching helps them practice the other part, she says. "People forget to put energy into their relationship. Romance needs renewing."
Separate, enjoyable activities are also crucial, she says. "You have to have a life separate from your partner, so you have something to share when you come back together," she says.
Tom Bien, an Albuquerque psychologist, meditation teacher and author, says dating your spouse when you are resentful toward him or her, might not feel so good.
"Start and maintain a positive cycle of interactions. People can be afraid to give to the other as a kind of giving in to them. Instead, think of it as giving to the relationship. Remember to do special things regularly, even daily, for happiness in your relationship. Giving to the relationship is the basis for getting from it."
Honoring the differences that men and women experience during lovemaking makes it more enjoyable for both partners, Bien says. "Most women do need a romantic evening to get ready for sex. Men do well to enjoy this as long 'foreplay.'"
Bien advocates couples find a cause or experience larger than the relationship to share. "Maybe this is your religious faith or spirituality. Maybe this is a goal you have in common or common activities you love, like golf or dancing."
How to Reconnect Researcher John Gottman offers these tips for putting the zing back in your marriage:
Seek help early.
Edit yourself from blurting out critical and hurtful comments.
Bring up problems gently.
Arguments escalate when a critical comment is expressed with contempt.
Allow the other to influence your behavior.
Learn to repair and exit an argument.
Back down. In marriage, as in martial art, yielding is often necessary to win.
Focus on the bright side.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Organizing Children’s Rooms
A child’s room can be one of the most challenging rooms in the house when it comes to getting organized and staying organized. With some training though, the children will actually be able to learn a system for keeping up with it themselves. That will make your job much easier.
Start by taking inventory of the room and, if they are old enough, have the children help. Get some boxes and label them for clothes (too small, out of season, keepers) and toys (favorites, too old for, missing pieces/broken) and make a game out of it. Give everyone a box and see who can fill their box up the quickest. Keep going until everything is sorted.
Next you can move on to actually sorting the toys. Go through the missing and broken box first. See if any of the toys are worth saving until you find the missing pieces. If not pitch them. Also decide if the broken toys can be fixed, or not.
Then go through the toys that the child is too old for, and decide together what should be done with them. If there is a younger sibling or cousin, maybe they would like to pass them on to them. If not, see if the child wants to donate the toys in good shape to charity. You’ll be surprised at how generous kids can really be if given the opportunity.
Last, go through the favorite toy box. These are the ones that need to find a home either in the bedroom or a playroom (if you have one).
When sorting the favorite toys, determine if you have enough storage in the room for all of them. Plastic storage bins are great for kids’ rooms, especially the stackable ones with drawers. Some come with wheels, and can be easily stored in a closet and brought out when the child wants to play. Try to establish a new habit of only getting out one toy at a time, to help keep the room from getting cluttered again.
Finally, it’s time to tackle the clothes. With children growing so quickly, it’s a good idea to go through their closets and dressers at the beginning of each season. As with the toys, decide together what to do with any clothes that are too small, but still in good shape. Many charities are very glad to receive children’s clothing.
Under the bed storage boxes are great for out of season clothing. Then as the weather changes, swap what’s in the dresser for what’s under the bed. When you swap out the clothes, again check for things they’ve outgrown. It’s also good to have a designated place for the kids to put the clothes that are too small, so when they try something on, they don’t just put it back in the drawer.
Once the room has been organized, teach the child to keep up with it on their own, with a routine every day of putting things where they belong.
Start by taking inventory of the room and, if they are old enough, have the children help. Get some boxes and label them for clothes (too small, out of season, keepers) and toys (favorites, too old for, missing pieces/broken) and make a game out of it. Give everyone a box and see who can fill their box up the quickest. Keep going until everything is sorted.
Next you can move on to actually sorting the toys. Go through the missing and broken box first. See if any of the toys are worth saving until you find the missing pieces. If not pitch them. Also decide if the broken toys can be fixed, or not.
Then go through the toys that the child is too old for, and decide together what should be done with them. If there is a younger sibling or cousin, maybe they would like to pass them on to them. If not, see if the child wants to donate the toys in good shape to charity. You’ll be surprised at how generous kids can really be if given the opportunity.
Last, go through the favorite toy box. These are the ones that need to find a home either in the bedroom or a playroom (if you have one).
When sorting the favorite toys, determine if you have enough storage in the room for all of them. Plastic storage bins are great for kids’ rooms, especially the stackable ones with drawers. Some come with wheels, and can be easily stored in a closet and brought out when the child wants to play. Try to establish a new habit of only getting out one toy at a time, to help keep the room from getting cluttered again.
Finally, it’s time to tackle the clothes. With children growing so quickly, it’s a good idea to go through their closets and dressers at the beginning of each season. As with the toys, decide together what to do with any clothes that are too small, but still in good shape. Many charities are very glad to receive children’s clothing.
Under the bed storage boxes are great for out of season clothing. Then as the weather changes, swap what’s in the dresser for what’s under the bed. When you swap out the clothes, again check for things they’ve outgrown. It’s also good to have a designated place for the kids to put the clothes that are too small, so when they try something on, they don’t just put it back in the drawer.
Once the room has been organized, teach the child to keep up with it on their own, with a routine every day of putting things where they belong.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Exercise For the Boomer Women Who Hate It
Exercise For the Boomer Women Who Hate It
Going to the gym is all very well for the women who can get to one easily, and enjoy exercising in front of other people and who look good in a leotard. As women for the boomer generation many of our body parts do not stay in the same shape compared to our college days. Exercise equipment at home is fine if you have the room to store the machine when you are not using it, and the self motivation and will power to pull it out from the closet or under the bed everyday. For many of us exercise screams of torture, pain, and unpleasantness, and it doesn’t have to be that way.
Boomers or better know as peri-menopause can be a really exciting time in your life because you are finally empty nesters freeing yourselves from child rearing and family duties. Yes our commitment to the family, is still very strong, doesn’t (or shouldn’t) require you to spend all your time and energies devoted to them. Boomers is the start of the ‘ME-years’, and can be the start of a whole new adventure in your life. Take the time to take care of yourself first for a change since the nest is empty and we are now in control of ME first the Boomer generation.
Take the time at least 3 – 4 times a week to do something that you enjoy or a hobby that can give you great pleasure and get a bit of exercise at the same time. Here are just a few suggestions to get you started.
Walking Activities – walking is one of the best types of activities you can do and the cheapest. Power walk in one way then stroll back home on the return trip. Look for collectables (flowers, rocks, shells, leaves) for creative work. Take your dog with you or a friend. If you are an urban dweller then take advantage of the early morning or evening to window shop- you won’t be tempted to shop because the shops won’t be open but you can keep yourself updated on what is going on in your area. Become a mall walker for others, as you never have to worry about the outdoor eliminate. For those readers that are near the water actually wading along the edge of a lake, stream or beach can be a pleasant way of increasing the exercise for your legs.
Swimming - Find the quietest times at your local pool or beach and enjoy a leisurely swim combined with some underwater exercises such as leg extensions and squats. My favorite is the same movement as Cross County skiing in water it gives the resistance to the areas we all need the most arms and legs while holding the tummy muscles in.
Dance around your house – add a touch of zest to the dusting or when vacuuming – turn the music up loud and dance to it as you work. Grab the dust mops and pertain it is your partner. Push and pull the mop handle. What ever you do get the pulse racing and make yourself feel good at the same time. This is another one of my favorites. It brings back my dance days in school which is good for the memory.
What ever you choose to do take a hobby or project you enjoy and get your heart pumping – that is all that is truly needed in exercise – have fun and enjoy it.
Marcia Chumbley is a work at home mom and grandmother in Minnesota. She is the owner of a Christian Work from Home Moms and Grandparents web site at http://www.faithfulgrannies.com/. Bringing generations of Christian Work From Home Moms, Grandmothers, Parents, Boomers and Families together while providing resources, inspiration and affordable advertising while balancing the work at home experience.
Article Source: http://www.faithfulgrannies.com
Going to the gym is all very well for the women who can get to one easily, and enjoy exercising in front of other people and who look good in a leotard. As women for the boomer generation many of our body parts do not stay in the same shape compared to our college days. Exercise equipment at home is fine if you have the room to store the machine when you are not using it, and the self motivation and will power to pull it out from the closet or under the bed everyday. For many of us exercise screams of torture, pain, and unpleasantness, and it doesn’t have to be that way.
Boomers or better know as peri-menopause can be a really exciting time in your life because you are finally empty nesters freeing yourselves from child rearing and family duties. Yes our commitment to the family, is still very strong, doesn’t (or shouldn’t) require you to spend all your time and energies devoted to them. Boomers is the start of the ‘ME-years’, and can be the start of a whole new adventure in your life. Take the time to take care of yourself first for a change since the nest is empty and we are now in control of ME first the Boomer generation.
Take the time at least 3 – 4 times a week to do something that you enjoy or a hobby that can give you great pleasure and get a bit of exercise at the same time. Here are just a few suggestions to get you started.
Walking Activities – walking is one of the best types of activities you can do and the cheapest. Power walk in one way then stroll back home on the return trip. Look for collectables (flowers, rocks, shells, leaves) for creative work. Take your dog with you or a friend. If you are an urban dweller then take advantage of the early morning or evening to window shop- you won’t be tempted to shop because the shops won’t be open but you can keep yourself updated on what is going on in your area. Become a mall walker for others, as you never have to worry about the outdoor eliminate. For those readers that are near the water actually wading along the edge of a lake, stream or beach can be a pleasant way of increasing the exercise for your legs.
Swimming - Find the quietest times at your local pool or beach and enjoy a leisurely swim combined with some underwater exercises such as leg extensions and squats. My favorite is the same movement as Cross County skiing in water it gives the resistance to the areas we all need the most arms and legs while holding the tummy muscles in.
Dance around your house – add a touch of zest to the dusting or when vacuuming – turn the music up loud and dance to it as you work. Grab the dust mops and pertain it is your partner. Push and pull the mop handle. What ever you do get the pulse racing and make yourself feel good at the same time. This is another one of my favorites. It brings back my dance days in school which is good for the memory.
What ever you choose to do take a hobby or project you enjoy and get your heart pumping – that is all that is truly needed in exercise – have fun and enjoy it.
Marcia Chumbley is a work at home mom and grandmother in Minnesota. She is the owner of a Christian Work from Home Moms and Grandparents web site at http://www.faithfulgrannies.com/. Bringing generations of Christian Work From Home Moms, Grandmothers, Parents, Boomers and Families together while providing resources, inspiration and affordable advertising while balancing the work at home experience.
Article Source: http://www.faithfulgrannies.com
Monday, April 28, 2008
Want to be More Attractive Be Nice
Want to be More Attractive? Be Nice!
Mom said beauty begins on the inside. It turns out she was right (Again). Research suggests that individuals who show positive personality traits are perceived as better looking.
by Dr. Galen Buckwalter, Ph.D.
Looking good is something everyone pays attention to. Even if they are blessed with natural good looks, everyone takes the time to get their hair in place and their shirt tucked in before they walk out the door. We don’t think twice about taking time to look good.
What if I were to tell you that one of the easiest things you can do to look better is to simply be nice to people? Rather than getting a makeover, you can instantly look better to people you meet by acting with kindness and compassion. Do you believe that? Let’s think it through this way.
Say you are at an airport, waiting for a plane, when you overhear someone of the opposite sex talking on the telephone. The person is seated behind you so you can’t see him or her. And let’s say the person seems to be talking to an assistant who has made a mistake. In a tone that couldn’t be more rude or disagreeable, he or she is saying something along the lines of, “Well, I went over this last week, and if I must go over it again perhaps you need to pick up a pencil and write down what I say.”
Compare this with the same scenario, but the person is engaged and cordial while explaining what he or she wants, addresses the person by name, puts the mistake in context, provides a helpful hint on how to handle such situations, and moves on.
When you turn around, who is going to look more attractive to you?
Recent research suggests that individuals who show positive personality traits such as kindness, honesty and helpfulness are perceived as better looking, while those who exhibit negative personality qualities such as unfairness and rudeness appear to be less physically attractive. Participants were shown pictures of people of the opposite sex and asked to rate them by physical attractiveness and desirability as a friend and as a romantic partner. The key to this experiment was that they rated each person both before and after receiving information about the person’s personality. First they reacted just to physical appearance, and then they reacted to physical appearance in combination with personality.
Positive personality was found to correlate with a greater desire to be the person’s friend. The desire to be a friend led, in turn, to a greater desire to have the person as a romantic partner. Having a desire for a romantic relationship ultimately led participants to view the people in the photos as more attractive.
To put this simply, nice is beautiful!
The findings did not differ based on gender; they were also consistent regardless of how attractive the person was initially perceived to be. That is, even beautiful people benefit by being nice.
The really good news is that we can all learn how to be nice people. Few of us are ever going to look like movie stars, but we can all increase our compassion and kindness. Researchers in Wisconsin found that people can be very easily trained to activate the part of the brain associated with happiness and compassion. By focusing on others and taking time to get outside of our own daily hassles, we do something that people cannot help but find appealing on every level. Beauty does start on the inside.
Mom said beauty begins on the inside. It turns out she was right (Again). Research suggests that individuals who show positive personality traits are perceived as better looking.
by Dr. Galen Buckwalter, Ph.D.
Looking good is something everyone pays attention to. Even if they are blessed with natural good looks, everyone takes the time to get their hair in place and their shirt tucked in before they walk out the door. We don’t think twice about taking time to look good.
What if I were to tell you that one of the easiest things you can do to look better is to simply be nice to people? Rather than getting a makeover, you can instantly look better to people you meet by acting with kindness and compassion. Do you believe that? Let’s think it through this way.
Say you are at an airport, waiting for a plane, when you overhear someone of the opposite sex talking on the telephone. The person is seated behind you so you can’t see him or her. And let’s say the person seems to be talking to an assistant who has made a mistake. In a tone that couldn’t be more rude or disagreeable, he or she is saying something along the lines of, “Well, I went over this last week, and if I must go over it again perhaps you need to pick up a pencil and write down what I say.”
Compare this with the same scenario, but the person is engaged and cordial while explaining what he or she wants, addresses the person by name, puts the mistake in context, provides a helpful hint on how to handle such situations, and moves on.
When you turn around, who is going to look more attractive to you?
Recent research suggests that individuals who show positive personality traits such as kindness, honesty and helpfulness are perceived as better looking, while those who exhibit negative personality qualities such as unfairness and rudeness appear to be less physically attractive. Participants were shown pictures of people of the opposite sex and asked to rate them by physical attractiveness and desirability as a friend and as a romantic partner. The key to this experiment was that they rated each person both before and after receiving information about the person’s personality. First they reacted just to physical appearance, and then they reacted to physical appearance in combination with personality.
Positive personality was found to correlate with a greater desire to be the person’s friend. The desire to be a friend led, in turn, to a greater desire to have the person as a romantic partner. Having a desire for a romantic relationship ultimately led participants to view the people in the photos as more attractive.
To put this simply, nice is beautiful!
The findings did not differ based on gender; they were also consistent regardless of how attractive the person was initially perceived to be. That is, even beautiful people benefit by being nice.
The really good news is that we can all learn how to be nice people. Few of us are ever going to look like movie stars, but we can all increase our compassion and kindness. Researchers in Wisconsin found that people can be very easily trained to activate the part of the brain associated with happiness and compassion. By focusing on others and taking time to get outside of our own daily hassles, we do something that people cannot help but find appealing on every level. Beauty does start on the inside.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Clothes Line
Clothes Line
A clothes line was a news forecast
To neighbors passing by.
There were no secrets you could keep
When clothes were hung to dry.
It also was a friendly link
For neighbors always knew
If company had stopped on by
To spend a night or two.
For then you'd see the 'fancy sheets'
And towels upon the line;
You'd see the 'company table cloths'
With intricate design.
The line announced a baby's birth
To folks who lived inside
As brand new infant clothes were hung
So carefully with pride.
The ages of the children could
So readily be known
By watching how the sizes changed
You'd know how much they'd grown.
It also told when illness struck,
As extra sheets were hung;
Then nightclothes, and a bathrobe, too,
Haphazardly were strung.
It said, 'Gone on vacation now'
When lines hung limp and bare.
It told, 'We're back!' when full lines sagged
With not an inch to spare.
New folks in town were scorned upon
If wash was dingy gray,
As neighbors carefully raised their brows,
And looked the other way..
But clotheslines now are of the past
For dryers make work less.
Now what goes on inside a home
Is anybody's guess.
I really miss that way of life.
It was a friendly sign
When neighbors knew each other best
By what hung on the line!
A clothes line was a news forecast
To neighbors passing by.
There were no secrets you could keep
When clothes were hung to dry.
It also was a friendly link
For neighbors always knew
If company had stopped on by
To spend a night or two.
For then you'd see the 'fancy sheets'
And towels upon the line;
You'd see the 'company table cloths'
With intricate design.
The line announced a baby's birth
To folks who lived inside
As brand new infant clothes were hung
So carefully with pride.
The ages of the children could
So readily be known
By watching how the sizes changed
You'd know how much they'd grown.
It also told when illness struck,
As extra sheets were hung;
Then nightclothes, and a bathrobe, too,
Haphazardly were strung.
It said, 'Gone on vacation now'
When lines hung limp and bare.
It told, 'We're back!' when full lines sagged
With not an inch to spare.
New folks in town were scorned upon
If wash was dingy gray,
As neighbors carefully raised their brows,
And looked the other way..
But clotheslines now are of the past
For dryers make work less.
Now what goes on inside a home
Is anybody's guess.
I really miss that way of life.
It was a friendly sign
When neighbors knew each other best
By what hung on the line!
Friday, April 25, 2008
Should you Cut your Losses?
Perfect relationships only exists in fairy tales. Still, sometimes it's hard to tell if the doubts about your relationship are normal or a sign of a bigger problem. Dig a little deeper and the answer will find you.
In some ways your new relationship seems to be going pretty well. But at the same time there are doubts that keep nagging at you. Maybe you have issues with the person’s table manners. Or their friends seem a little…off. Perhaps their goals (or lack thereof) are different than your own.
Or maybe it’s something else.
The point is that you’ve got some fairly significant concerns about whether to keep pursuing this person. But you wonder if you’re being too picky, or you should hold tight to your standards. In other words, should you cut your losses now, or be patient and tolerant to see where the future will take you?
This can be a pretty tough call to make. But if you can think through some key relational issues and stick to some basic guidelines, you’ll have a better chance of making a good, healthy decision as you try to determine just how significant you want to make this new other in your life.
Don’t Expect to Change Someone
There’s an old saying that you should never try to teach a pig to sing. The reason? It’s a waste of time, and it annoys the pig. Expecting to change a person that you’re dating falls into the “trying to teach a pig to sing” category. The simple fact is that for 99% of us, we are who we are. So no matter how much a person tries to change us, we’re not going to change. Plus, we’re going to resent the person who is pushing us to be something other than what we’ve already chosen to be. So don’t expect to change the person you’re with in any fundamental way. Still, that being said, …
Do Encourage Growth and Expose the Person to new Possibilities
There’s nothing wrong with presenting someone with ways they can improve as a person or shake off some of the rough, so that the diamond can shine through a bit more. The key questions are your motivation, and how you go about recommending growth. If you genuinely care for this person and see ways they can improve their quality of life, then that’s a justifiable motivation, especially if you can present your recommendations non-judgmentally and with respect. That’s much more legitimate than calling for change out of your own insecurities, and in such a way that makes them feel bad about themselves.
Don’t Change Who You Are
Just as you can’t expect to substantially change the other person, you also shouldn’t deny or give up on the most important parts of yourself. Sometimes we want to make a relationship work so much that we let go of what makes us who we are or what we truly want and need. But obviously, that’s a bad move for ourselves, for the relationship, and even for the other person we’re changing for. So remain true to who you are, and hold firm to your identity and core values. On the other hand, it’s also important that you …
Do Remain Open-Minded, Flexible, and Tolerant
Being consistent in terms of who you are and what you believe is a good thing. Being rigid is not. So even as you remain true to the essence of who you are, be careful to avoid being closed-minded about changes you could make to improve yourself, or your new relationship.
Don’t Settle
Let’s face it: all of us from time to time feel lonely and just want to be with someone. But do your best to keep in mind an important truth that you already know: It’s not healthy to accept less than you deserve, or less than you need, just because you’re afraid of being alone. There may be times when you feel like having someone—anyone—would be better than being by yourself. But fight the temptation to give in to this line of thinking. Instead, …
Do hold Firm to the Items on your “List”
You know what you want, and what you need, in a relationship. Chances are you’ve got a list in your mind (or even on paper) of the qualities you’re looking for in the person you date. There’s no reason not to expect to find someone who meets most of the items on your list and can make you happy. So if you have some non-negotiables, and this person in your life doesn’t meet the criteria you’ve set out, then be willing to move on without that person, and make yourself available for new possibilities. However, …
Don’t Work from an Unreasonable List
There’s nothing wrong with having standards, even high ones. But make sure that those standards are reasonable. For example, the length of a person’s second toe, or the fact that they sometimes chew with their mouth open, probably shouldn’t be an absolute deal-breaker. Also, it may not be realistic to expect to find someone who looks like a fashion model, or who loves the Dodgers as much as you do. Don’t overemphasize the small stuff, and don’t expect the impossible.
Do Think about what Matters most to You
Concentrate on whether you and this person are like-minded and compatible in terms of values and important issues. Then use your best judgment. Yes, it may be true that they don’t have a job right now. But if they’ve done cool or interesting work in the past and are legitimately in a transition phase, that’s different from someone who’s been “transitioning” for the past three years.
Don’t Avoid Making a Decision you Need to Make
This can be one of the most difficult truths to accept, but it’s also probably the most important. If you know that a person is wrong for you, and that they’ll never be right, then you have to walk away from the relationship. No matter how much you feel that you need them, don’t deny what you know to be true. Remember the words of Maya Angelou: “When people show you who they are, believe them.”
Do Trust your Instincts
Pay attention to what you’re feeling inside, and trust yourself to make the decision that’s right. If, when you’re being totally honest with yourself, you feel that you two have a real shot at creating something good together, then give it some more time and see what happens. But if your instincts tell you that it’s time to move on, then move on.
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