Tapping the Talent, Tools and Network Needed for Small Business Success

Tapping the Talent, Tools and Network Needed for Small Business Success


– When you start a family, the first thing on your to-do list is probably not to launch a new business venture. But that’s exactly what Bonnie Marcus did. After years as a wedding planner, public relations professional and event planner, she began to wonder if the energy she put into her 12-hour workdays would be better applied somewhere else.



So, in 2002, while pregnant with her first child, she hit a turning point in her career and decided to launch her own business. Marcus decided it was the perfect time to combine her passion for fashion with her entrepreneurial spirit. As a wedding planner, she had always noticed a lack of stylish invitation options available in the market, therefore she began creating a line of fashionable stationery that was fresh, fun and forward-thinking. Marcus also realized that she needed all the help she could get since starting a business and a family simultaneously would be extremely time-consuming.



According to the Small Business Administration, there are more than 24.7 million small businesses in the U.S.  Many have propelled their success by leveraging their talents and contacts, along with helpful resources available to small business owners from institutions such as Bank of America. As Marcus found, with some smart planning and the right tools in place, you might find that along with building a business, there’s time left over to grow other parts of your life as well.



* Networking

Social networking sites are a great way to connect with other small business owners who understand the issues you’re facing everyday and to secure strong contacts before starting your business.  One option is Bank of America’s Small Business Online Community (smallbusinessonlinecommunity.com). It’s a free and open forum where small business owners can exchange business ideas with their peers and industry experts in real time.  For many small business owners, the rise of such sites has been a critical resource for obtaining sound advice, best practices and lessons learned.  



* Business Plan

A business plan is a great way to organize your ideas into a well-thought-out plan so that your business is positioned for success. If you’ve never written a plan before, simply go online and search “how to write a business plan” and you’ll find a myriad of informational sites. Having a business plan will also give you a better chance of securing funding.



* Bookkeeping

A small business can be complicated and the last thing you want is disorganized piles of paperwork. Create an invoicing system for orders and stick to it. Some small business owners have utilized online invoicing systems. Bank of America’s Business 24/7 portfolio offers small businesses an online invoicing tool that enables users to create and send invoices in minutes, while seamlessly integrating with a customer’s online banking account.  



* Advertising and Marketing

Advertising and marketing are key components for attracting customers and building a business. Creating a Web site, sending out press releases to applicable publications and networking are all key to getting the word out about your business. Make contacts and draw in customers as soon as possible because your business simply won’t survive without them.



* Payroll

Approximately 75 percent of small business owners handle their own payroll, which can be time consuming and complex. Consider using a product such as Easy Online Payroll from Bank of America that can provide online payroll solutions where you can pay all your employees by direct deposit. It will save a lot of time and will keep you from making incorrect calculations on employee withholdings.



* Passion

Like Marcus did before launching her new business, it is important to find something you are passionate about. Small businesses, especially in the start-up phase, require a lot of dedication. If you’re going to dedicate all your energy, it’s best to choose something you know you’re going to enjoy.



As Marcus began designing samples, retail stores quickly noticed her enthusiasm and natural sense of style and began picking up her designs.  By exercising her talent and taking advantage of resources such as those offered by Bank of America, Marcus built a successful brand sold in over 1,000 stores around the world and has created a work schedule that gives her the flexibility to have, and grow, a family.



For more information on the Business 24/7 portfolio from Bank of America, including online invoicing and payroll, visit www.bankofamerica.com



Courtesy of ARAcontent

Quotes For The Day,

You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's why it's hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.

Ellen DeGeneres

Strategies to Beat the Economic Slump

Strategies to Beat the Economic Slump


With high gas prices and unemployment rates soaring, we can all agree that the economy is struggling. Even in tough economic times, there are some simple things each of us can do to make a difference in our lives. Especially if questions like these are being asked:



When will prices change? Why doesn’t my job pay me more? Who is responsible for the current economic slump?



“There are many things that happen in life that are out of our control. Instead of falling into the trap of victim thinking or playing the blame game, why not focus on the action we can take to make a difference?” says John G. Miller, an expert on personal accountability and author of the books “QBQ! The Question Behind the Question” and “Flipping the Switch.”



Our attitude and the questions we ask ourselves during difficult times can make all the difference and will help us take actions that can improve any situation. Miller says the best way for each of us to practice personal accountability and change our outlook is to ask QBQs, or the ‘question behind the question.’ QBQs are questions that begin with “What” or “How,” contain the word “I,” and focus on action. By asking questions that focus on ourselves and the action we personally can take, we are able to eliminate whining and complaining and move toward positive change.  



“None of us can change the high gas prices, cost of food, or potential layoffs at work. But asking the right questions can make a positive impact,” adds Miller.



For example, many people are stressed financially because of the rising cost of living. Here’s how the right question can lead to a positive action:



Incorrect Question: Why do gas and groceries cost so much?

Correct Question: What can I do to better manage my finances?



“After asking this question of myself, I would be able to examine my personal situation and make changes to my budget,” says Miller. “I would then ask questions like: Do I have a cell phone plan that’s too big for my income? Do I have a premium cable package with 150 channels when I could do with a basic plan or a good book? Do I always have to have a morning latte or drink bottled water? What can I do differently to save money?”



Making positive changes by practicing personal accountability, in light of the current economy, can seem overwhelming. Instead of trying to change everything at once, start with these small steps. These options help us take action in our own lives, instead of focusing on uncontrollable circumstances. Try combining errands to save on gas, buying generic brands, buying in bulk, and conserving energy in the home by turning off lights and only running the dishwasher when full. Little changes can add up -- over time -- to big savings.



And, of course, sometimes there can be big savings in single decisions.



Incorrect Question:  When will we be able to move to a bigger house?

Correct Question:  How can I be more content with the home I have?



Incorrect Question:  Why can’t I buy a brand new car?

Correct Question:  What can I do to better care for the car I have and extend its life?



Incorrect Question:  When will we be able to afford a trip to Disney World?

Correct Question:  How can I create fun experiences for my family at home?



When we ask the right question we can then work to find a solution. For example with our entertainment activities, we can search our hometown for free museums and other activities that might get overlooked. Or, bring the entertainment home. For example, if your family usually goes to the movies, opt instead to rent and create the theater experience with popcorn and treats. Like to eat out? Instead choose a special recipe that the whole family enjoys and work together to cook it.



“Although times are tight for everyone, I can always make the best of a difficult situation,” says Miller. “By asking the right questions and practicing personal accountability rather than blaming others or complaining, we can make a dramatic impact and be a lot happier.”



To learn more about QBQ! and to order both of John Miller’s books, visit www.QBQ.com.



Courtesy of ARAcontent

Top Five Questions Women Have for Life Coaches

Top Five Questions Women Have for Life Coaches


Millions of women often wonder how they can continue to juggle it all or wish they remembered who they “used to be” before having a career, kids or both. Life coaches can help women find their way back to what they really want.

According to MyLifeCompass.com founder and author, Kim Fulcher, four common themes speak to modern women, no matter what life stage they are in. They are:

* Identity – “Who was I before and who am I today?”
* Work Balance – “How do I manage it all and how do I say no?”
* Nurture – “How do I take care of myself physically, spiritually and mentally?”
* Self Worth – “How do I learn to love myself for who I really am and how do I stop feeling guilty?”

Some of the country’s leading life coaching experts from MyLifeCompass.com, an online life coaching community, are now helping women of all ages and walks of life find their passions and, most importantly, reconnect with themselves. Fulcher weighs in on the “top five” most frequently asked questions life coaches hear from their clients:

Question: I’m a mother, a wife, a friend, a sister, a caregiver to my parents and more, but I’ve forgotten who I used to be before I took on all these roles. How do I find the “self” I was long ago? Is she still around?

Answer: Rediscover yourself in baby steps. Get started by scheduling 10 minutes every day to spend a bit of time with yourself. Take time to sit quietly, take a walk, or use a coaching program, like the one offered at http://www.mylifecompass.com/, to ask and answer key questions about who you want to be and what you want in your life.

Question: I never feel like I have any downtime to take care of myself since I’m so busy with work, kids and personal commitments. How do I find the "self" I was before all of this?

Answer: You’ll never “find” time for you; you have to make it. Ask yourself when you can schedule a small amount of time (10 minutes) each day just for you. Then make appointments with yourself, and give those appointments the same level of commitment and respect you would a date with a friend or a scheduled doctor’s appointment.

Question: I’m constantly feeling “mom guilt” since I work outside the home. How do I cope with liking my job, but also wanting to be a good mom?

Answer: You have to stop “shoulding” on yourself. This means you must stop playing the mom game by other people’s rules or your own made up standards and remove the words “should of” from your vocabulary. Ask yourself what kind of mom you want to be, and what kind of example you want to set for your child. The best model for any child involves a happy, healthy, and satisfied mom. If liking your job helps you set this example, it sounds like you’re already a good mom.

Question: I always seem to over-commit. How can I learn to say “no” without feeling like I’m letting someone down?

Answer: Take three steps. First, break your “yes” habit. For the next two weeks, do not accept any invitation or request on the spot. Take 24 hours to consider whether or not you really want or have time to make a commitment. Second, ask yourself why you tend to over-commit. Are you trying to earn love, respect, or friendship? Finally, remember that everyone is busy. While you may fear another person’s anger or disappointment, I’m willing to bet few people will give your decline a second thought.

Question: I used to feel so good about myself both physically and mentally but now I’m overweight and don’t even recognize myself! How do I find my way back to looking and feeling good about me?

Answer: You start by committing to taking care of yourself again. You say you used to feel good about yourself physically and mentally. What were your habits when you were in this place? Did you work out, eat healthy foods or write in a journal? Pick one habit you used to engage in when you liked how you looked and felt, and schedule appointments with yourself every day to recondition this pattern.

For more ways that women can be inspired, empowered and connected, visit http://www.mylifecompass.com/.

Courtesy of ARAcontent

Get Your Eyes in Shape for Summer with the Right Eyewear

Get Your Eyes in Shape for Summer with the Right Eyewear

(ARA) - Along with new flip-flops, a sundress and swimsuit, most people will be looking for a trendy new pair of sunglasses this summer. Of course, when choosing new shades, there are many things to consider -- size, shape, color, design -- but what many people neglect to consider is getting the best lenses.

Fashion can meet function this summer by adding a healthy dose of wellness and prevention to the search for the perfect shades. It’s even more important than smart style to choose high-quality lenses. At any age, but particularly after the age of 40, eye protection and quality sun lenses are necessary.

Style expert and host of the Style Network’s top-rated show “How Do I Look?” Finola Hughes, says her best accessory this year is eyewear. “Sunglasses can finish off a look and make anyone feel stylish and hip, but it’s important to pick the right sunwear frames for your face and age,” Hughes says. “This summer I added a great pair of white and black buckle designer sunglasses to my wardrobe, but I made sure they were fitted with Varilux polarized with Crizal Sun lenses.”

Premium lenses provide complete protection form UV rays, along with better vision, reduced glare, sharper images and improved depth-perception. Some lenses like new Crizal Sun Mirrors offer 100 percent protection from UV rays and feature a brilliant, mirrored front side, dual-sided and fully-integrated scratch protection, and super-hydrophobic properties. Most people take care to prevent sun damage with sunscreen, so it’s important to take the same preventative measures when it comes to eyes.

When choosing new summer specs, consider the following from Hughes:

* Protect your eyes from harmful UV rays with polarized sunglass lenses, like Varilux with Crizal Sun lenses. Your eyes don’t need to suffer to be fashionable -- most designer frames can be outfitted with a high-quality lens.

* Classic sunglass frame styles that are essential to complete any wardrobe are wayfarers, aviators, large tortoiseshell and square black -- they will take you from season to season.

* Choose the right frames for your face by concentrating on color and size. Pay attention to your complexion; if you have a pale or sallow complexion, find a good shade to complement it, like a warm brown or amber. Conversely, if you have a darker or olive complexion, hit the reds and pinks, they will look luscious next to your skin.

* Above all else, always be sure to line the top of your sunglass frames with your eyebrows -- nobody wants to resemble a bug.

* If you’re in your 20s and 30s, experiment with trendier fun styles. For 40 and up, have fun in a more artistic fashion by choosing frames that are clever and architectural.

For more sunwear tips visit

While I Still Can Dance....

I will take pleasure in the smiles that warm me

and in the hugs that always say "I Love You."

To Dance

To Dance....
I will stop looking back
WITH REGREATS
or looking forward
WITH FEAR.....
and give the best I have today.

Neck and throat facial exercises

Facial exercises should be done once a day, and this regimen can be continued for your entire life, or you could scale down to three times a week, after completing a month of daily exercises.
Some people report that minor spots or blemishes appear after starting facial exercises, and yes, it is normal.

Neck and throat facial exercises
# 1
A great exercise is to sit upright, tilt your head back looking at the ceiling while keeping your lips closed and then start a chewing movement. You will feel the muscles working in your neck and throat area - and will be truly amazed at the results. Repeat 20 times.
# 2
Sit upright, tilt your head back looking at the ceiling, while keeping your lips closed and relaxed. Start puckering your lips together in a kiss and stretch the kiss, as if you were trying to kiss the ceiling. Keep your lips puckered for 10 counts, then relax, bring your head back to its normal position and repeat 5 times.
# 3
Sit upright, tilt your head back looking at the ceiling, while keeping your lips closed and relaxed. Open your lips and stick your tongue out as if you were trying to touch your chin with the tip of your tongue. Keep your tongue out in this position for 10 counts, and then return your tongue and head to its normal position.
# 4
Sit upright, tilt your head back looking at the ceiling, while keeping your lips closed and relaxed. Next move your lower lip over your top lip as far as possible and keep it there for a count of 5. Relax and repeat 5 times.
# 5
Lie on your bed, with your head hanging down over the edge. Slowly bring your head up towards your torso and keep it there for 10 counts. Relax and lower your head towards the floor again - repeat 5 times.
# 6
Sit upright and face forward and while keeping your lips together, separate your teeth by dropping your jaw and then push your jaw forward, keep for a count of 10, bring back to starting position and repeat 5 times.

Spring and Win Contest!

Spring Around Cyber Space
When?
Starts: April 25, 2008
Ends: May 31, 2008
Winners Announced anytime between June 2-9, 2008.

What’s the Deal?
There are several ways you can earn credits for the drawing that will come at the end of the contest.

Check it Out. http://designedbylara.com/blog/

Boomer Health

Boomer Health

As you mature, it is important that you keep up with your body’s needs and maintain your health. Maintenance becomes more important to your physical well being than ever. Take the time to stay active, keep your stress levels low, schedule regular checkups, and monitor your health. Taking care of yourself is something only you can do, so be sure to make this crucial investment in your health and well being.

Staying active helps keep your bones and joints limber. As you age, exercise becomes even more necessary for joint health. If you struggle with arthritis or joint pain, try to find exercises that are easy on your joints, such as swimming or slow, gentle walking. Movement helps to keep your joints limber, as well as improving circulation. Be sure to exercise gently for at least thirty minutes per day, several times per week. If you are having difficulty finding an appropriate exercise, ask your doctor for a few recommendations.

Monitor your stress level as you go throughout the day. High stress levels can contribute to mental illness and high blood pressure, so take time each day to relax. Make time to do something you enjoy, such as cooking or a craft project. You may want to consider taking up yoga or meditation. If stress continues to be a major issue in your life, you could consider counseling as a way to help you work through the emotional issues that are causing it.

Be sure to schedule regular doctors’ visits to monitor your health. This is important even if you don’t have any major medical condition. Taking the time to schedule a yearly exam will help your doctor to notice any changes in your health before they cause major problems. An annual physical is a good chance to check for problems such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes. These illnesses can cause major problems if left untreated, but are difficult to detect on your own.

Taking care of your body ensures that it will serve you well for a long time to come. Be sure to stay active, by scheduling time for exercise in your daily routine. You may want to include a pet or friend in your daily walk, to liven things up a bit! Reduce your stress level with activities such as crafts, cooking, and yoga. Schedule regular checkups with your doctor to keep a close eye on your health. Remember, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure!

Marcia Chumbley is a work at home mom and grandmother in Minnesota. She is the owner of a Christian Work From Home Moms and Grandparents web site at http://www.faithfulgrannies.com/. Bringing generations of Christian Work From Home Moms, Grandmothers, Parents, Boomers and Families together while providing resources, inspiration and affordable advertising while balancing the work at home experience.

Spring Cleaning: Your Life After the Ex

Spring Cleaning: Your Life After the Ex

If a breakup has left you inconsolable, take heart--we've all been there. Here's your guide for getting over the ex and on with your life.

Breakups are referred to as a “breakup” for a reason; because your relationship is broken. Now it is time to put it behind you and move on to more fulfilling experiences. Though this may seem a hard task to attempt, you will be stronger and smarter after you clean out those old emotional cobwebs. The good news is that it gets easier every day, but not without some soul-searching and a proactive plan to start you on the road to recovery.

Forgive and Forget
Forgive them – and yourself – and forget them (or at least forget the painful part). Carrying around hatred and “what-ifs” only sets you back. It’s quite all right to have a good cry and feel sorry for yourself a bit; accepting the pain is part of moving on. A failed romance doesn’t mean you are a bad person; it just means things didn’t line up. It may have been a mistake, but every relationship – good or bad – is a lesson learned. Congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk at love, and have faith that you are worthy of love and respect in the future. If you don’t believe that you deserve the best, when will you ever get it? Up the ante and demand more. Think about what Grandma used to advise: “You accept less because you expect less.” She also threw in funny little anecdotes about how the “bus stops at every corner,” confident that you would have other chances to do it right.

Clean House
How are you supposed to have a clean start with the old dirt still hanging around? Purge old pictures and mementos that remind you of the former flame. Just getting the bits and pieces out of plain view will do the trick; stuff them in a hard to reach place for those faltering days of uncertainty. Better yet, transform your surroundings. Moving always helps, but if you aren’t making a geographical shift in scenery, revamp what you already have. Get new drinking glasses to replace those commonly used by you and your mate in happier times. Try some new art on the wall to replace the photo of your vacation together last year. Ridding your environment of tangible items may help to reduce the reminders of days gone by and, instead, offer a new perspective.

Illegal Contact
Of course, it’s not against the law to stay in contact with your former amour, but you will be better off if you keep your distance. Even if both of you have decided to stay friends, you must take a complete break before you can change gears to a platonic relationship. That means no spending time together, no phone calls to say “hi,” no e-mails, no instant messaging, and especially, no sex. Until you feel that you truly can treat your ex as a buddy, without an ulterior motive, you aren’t ready to keep in contact.

Keeping Busy
Find something constructive to get you back in tune with you. Try a new hobby, sport, or workout regimen. Or take a class that will hold your attention and require you to focus on a positive and productive personal evolution. Once you've endured the grief, it's time to find diversions that get you out of your circular thoughts. Keeping busy helps to stop the rehashing of old memories and allows you to remember who you were before the relationship.
A true metamorphosis takes time, so be patient and take as long as you need. The healing process varies for everyone and is based on a completely personal timeline. If you trust in yourself and the support of your family and friends, these thorough cleansing methods will help you to determine the lessons behind your loss. Spring never comes before winter, so do the work, embrace the rejuvenation process, and respect your natural progression.

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Boomers Blogging and Business

Blogging and Business

If you’re new to home business and considering starting a weblog (blog) to promote your business, here are a few tips to get you started. Blogging for business is different from keeping personal blog, so be sure to go about it the right way. Be professional, and keep in mind that you’re representing your home-based company at all times.

Know Your Audience
When designing your blog and choosing the topics you’ll write about, keep your audience in mind. If you’re writing to an audience of beginners, be sure to write on a beginner level. If you’re catering to tech savvy gurus, don’t’ bore them to tears with the basics. Keep your posts relevant and on topic, and always keep your reader in mind. After all – that’s who you’re taking the time to write for!

Use Your Unique Voice
Blogs are popular because they put a personal face on business. Great for small business owners, they add personality and a unique flair to formerly stuffy business affairs. Use your blog to show your readers what a day in your home based business is like. Discuss your thoughts, observations, and personal insights. But don’t forget to keep your posts relevant, on topic, and enjoyable for the reader.

Share Some Link Love
The best way, by far, to get traffic to your blog is through a network of back links. Take the time to read other blogs that are similar to your blog. Write about them on your blog, and link to them. These bloggers will be thrilled, and most will give you reciprocal backlinks, providing great organic traffic to your blog from their readers. Everyone loves free traffic, so share some link love today! It’s always appreciated in the blogosphere, and it’s a great way to win friends and influence people.

Focus Your Content
Search engines love keyword focused content. When writing a post, pick out the main theme, and choose keywords that showcase it. Repeat them throughout your post as often as possible, without forcing them or making your text sound unnatural. This helps the search engines to know what your post is about and find your blog quickly and easily – and everyone loves it when the search engines can find their blog!

Update Regularly
Blogs that aren’t updated regularly quickly lose visitors. No one likes to visit daily or weekly and see the same content over and over. Choose a regular day of the week to update your blog, and stick to it. If you can’t keep up with your blog, consider hiring a ghostwriter to do this task for you. Updating your blog regularly is key to Blogging success.

A blog can be a terrific addition to your home based business, allowing you to keep in touch with your clients on a personal level. They can interact with you through blog comments, and see a more personal side of you, the business owner. You can promote your business across the Internet for free by interacting with other bloggers, share your business’s growth and development with clients and potential clients, and add a personal touch to all your business dealings. Blogging is a great addition to any home business.

Article Source: http://www.faithfulgrannies.com and http://www.workathomedivasonline.com/index.html
Marcia Chumbley is a work at home mom and grandmother in Minnesota. She is the owner of a Christian Work From Home Moms and Grandparents web site at http://www.faithfulgrannies.com and Work At Home Moms and Divas http://wwwworkathomedivasonline.com.index.html. Bringing generations of Christian Work From Home Moms, Grandmothers, Parents, Boomers and Families together while providing FREE Advertising Networking and Resources, while balancing the work at home experience.

Rekindling the Flame

Rekindling the Flame

As boomers grow older, history shared between longtime partners becomes more valuable. But keeping love alive can be challenging.

"A long-standing intimate shared history cannot be replaced," says Albuquerque, N.M.-based, marriage and relationship counselor Nancy Romero.

Romero, a boomer, says that valuing deep connections, whether in marriage or friendship, is part of an almost universal midlife search for meaning in life.

"Boomers are more reflective about what has spiritual and deeper meaning in our lives. Our relationships are right up there. We treasure them," she says. "Most of us have learned how to have a house and a car and a job, but the critical work now is to find what adds meaning to our lives. The connection with others is something we are ready to value."

Romero, who has been practicing more than 20 years and heads Accelerated Family Counseling, explains that many couples in long-term relationships often love each other and are committed to each other, but fall short of having the rewards they could find together because of lingering resentments.

"When couples come to see me they usually have some accumulation of anger," she says. "My job is to hold the hope for the relationship until they find the hope again for themselves. I hold a deposit of hope while they work through the wall of anger with the other partner and find what's underneath. There is often so much love underneath, once they get past their big issues."

A Deeper Level Romero is a certified Imago therapist, a style that draws on the popular work of Harville Hendrix, a psychology professor and author of "Getting the Love You Want." In couples therapy and workshops, she teaches communication, connection and resolution skills that support relationships and help couples connect on a deeper level.

Couples learn to really listen to each other's needs, concerns and desires without escalating to anger, she says. Ambushing your partner with an issue you have been stewing about all day isn't conducive to keeping the peace and nurturing the love.
"Schedule time for arguments. Tell your partner you have an issue and you need to talk about it. Set a time within the next 24 hours to talk about it. If someone blows up, you need to get apart for at least 30 minutes, but then come back and discuss it or find a time to talk about it again when tempers have cooled off."

Hendrix writes on his Web site, harvillehendrix.org, that conflict is a natural part of relationships. "Conflict is supposed to happen. Conflict is a sign that the psyche is trying to survive, to get its needs met and become whole. It's only without this knowledge that conflict is destructive.
"Divorce does not solve the problems of a relationship. We may get rid of our partners, but we keep our problems, carting them off to the next relationship."
Romero says most baby boomers understand that, in general, men and women have different relationship needs and abilities.
"Both partners need confidants outside the relationship to talk about issues. Women, in general, need to process feelings more than men do," she says. "Men just don't process feelings as much. Men definitely need to learn a supportive way to be patient and listen. But women need to learn to turn to their friends to process their feelings or they can overwhelm a man with their emotional needs."
Researchers at the University of Washington who study couples in an apartment laboratory dubbed "The Love Lab" and who follow the relationships over time have found that four behaviors -- complaining, stonewalling, defensiveness and contempt for the other -- doom marriages and other partnerships.
Old Resentments Researcher John Gottman, head of the Gottman Institute, says he can predict with about 90 percent accuracy which marriages will fail and which will succeed by the prevalence of those behaviors, according to the University of Washington Web site, washington.edu.
In a news release, Gottman describes what happens to couples in midlife who are exhausted from conflict.
"These couples are alienated and avoidant. They are people you see in a restaurant who are not talking to each other. They raised kids together, but there is not much going on with each other and they realize their marriage is empty," he says. "These couples stifle things and do not raise issues with their partner. Their marriages are a suppression of negative emotion and a lack of positive emotion. It is a very passive and distant relationship with no laughing, love or interest in each other. This style of suppression can cause intense loneliness that's almost like dying."
Ending the relationship may seem inevitable, but even these kinds of partnerships can "have a renaissance," he says. "A therapist can work with failed dreams, individually and as a couple, to rebuild the relationship."
Finding the fun and the connection again helps rebuild the relationship.
Romero suggests a weekly date night with a twist. Partners alternate planning and surprise the other. That includes arranging child or elder care, she says.
"The other's job is to go along and enjoy whatever it is. No complaining," she says. Couples often get locked into roles of giver and receiver and the date night role switching helps them practice the other part, she says. "People forget to put energy into their relationship. Romance needs renewing."
Separate, enjoyable activities are also crucial, she says. "You have to have a life separate from your partner, so you have something to share when you come back together," she says.
Tom Bien, an Albuquerque psychologist, meditation teacher and author, says dating your spouse when you are resentful toward him or her, might not feel so good.
"Start and maintain a positive cycle of interactions. People can be afraid to give to the other as a kind of giving in to them. Instead, think of it as giving to the relationship. Remember to do special things regularly, even daily, for happiness in your relationship. Giving to the relationship is the basis for getting from it."

Honoring the differences that men and women experience during lovemaking makes it more enjoyable for both partners, Bien says. "Most women do need a romantic evening to get ready for sex. Men do well to enjoy this as long 'foreplay.'"
Bien advocates couples find a cause or experience larger than the relationship to share. "Maybe this is your religious faith or spirituality. Maybe this is a goal you have in common or common activities you love, like golf or dancing."

How to Reconnect Researcher John Gottman offers these tips for putting the zing back in your marriage:

Seek help early.
Edit yourself from blurting out critical and hurtful comments.
Bring up problems gently.
Arguments escalate when a critical comment is expressed with contempt.
Allow the other to influence your behavior.
Learn to repair and exit an argument.
Back down. In marriage, as in martial art, yielding is often necessary to win.
Focus on the bright side.

Organizing Children’s Rooms

Organizing Children’s Rooms

A child’s room can be one of the most challenging rooms in the house when it comes to getting organized and staying organized. With some training though, the children will actually be able to learn a system for keeping up with it themselves. That will make your job much easier.

Start by taking inventory of the room and, if they are old enough, have the children help. Get some boxes and label them for clothes (too small, out of season, keepers) and toys (favorites, too old for, missing pieces/broken) and make a game out of it. Give everyone a box and see who can fill their box up the quickest. Keep going until everything is sorted.

Next you can move on to actually sorting the toys. Go through the missing and broken box first. See if any of the toys are worth saving until you find the missing pieces. If not pitch them. Also decide if the broken toys can be fixed, or not.

Then go through the toys that the child is too old for, and decide together what should be done with them. If there is a younger sibling or cousin, maybe they would like to pass them on to them. If not, see if the child wants to donate the toys in good shape to charity. You’ll be surprised at how generous kids can really be if given the opportunity.

Last, go through the favorite toy box. These are the ones that need to find a home either in the bedroom or a playroom (if you have one).

When sorting the favorite toys, determine if you have enough storage in the room for all of them. Plastic storage bins are great for kids’ rooms, especially the stackable ones with drawers. Some come with wheels, and can be easily stored in a closet and brought out when the child wants to play. Try to establish a new habit of only getting out one toy at a time, to help keep the room from getting cluttered again.

Finally, it’s time to tackle the clothes. With children growing so quickly, it’s a good idea to go through their closets and dressers at the beginning of each season. As with the toys, decide together what to do with any clothes that are too small, but still in good shape. Many charities are very glad to receive children’s clothing.

Under the bed storage boxes are great for out of season clothing. Then as the weather changes, swap what’s in the dresser for what’s under the bed. When you swap out the clothes, again check for things they’ve outgrown. It’s also good to have a designated place for the kids to put the clothes that are too small, so when they try something on, they don’t just put it back in the drawer.

Once the room has been organized, teach the child to keep up with it on their own, with a routine every day of putting things where they belong.

Exercise For the Boomer Women Who Hate It

Exercise For the Boomer Women Who Hate It

Going to the gym is all very well for the women who can get to one easily, and enjoy exercising in front of other people and who look good in a leotard. As women for the boomer generation many of our body parts do not stay in the same shape compared to our college days. Exercise equipment at home is fine if you have the room to store the machine when you are not using it, and the self motivation and will power to pull it out from the closet or under the bed everyday. For many of us exercise screams of torture, pain, and unpleasantness, and it doesn’t have to be that way.

Boomers or better know as peri-menopause can be a really exciting time in your life because you are finally empty nesters freeing yourselves from child rearing and family duties. Yes our commitment to the family, is still very strong, doesn’t (or shouldn’t) require you to spend all your time and energies devoted to them. Boomers is the start of the ‘ME-years’, and can be the start of a whole new adventure in your life. Take the time to take care of yourself first for a change since the nest is empty and we are now in control of ME first the Boomer generation.

Take the time at least 3 – 4 times a week to do something that you enjoy or a hobby that can give you great pleasure and get a bit of exercise at the same time. Here are just a few suggestions to get you started.

Walking Activities – walking is one of the best types of activities you can do and the cheapest. Power walk in one way then stroll back home on the return trip. Look for collectables (flowers, rocks, shells, leaves) for creative work. Take your dog with you or a friend. If you are an urban dweller then take advantage of the early morning or evening to window shop- you won’t be tempted to shop because the shops won’t be open but you can keep yourself updated on what is going on in your area. Become a mall walker for others, as you never have to worry about the outdoor eliminate. For those readers that are near the water actually wading along the edge of a lake, stream or beach can be a pleasant way of increasing the exercise for your legs.

Swimming - Find the quietest times at your local pool or beach and enjoy a leisurely swim combined with some underwater exercises such as leg extensions and squats. My favorite is the same movement as Cross County skiing in water it gives the resistance to the areas we all need the most arms and legs while holding the tummy muscles in.

Dance around your house – add a touch of zest to the dusting or when vacuuming – turn the music up loud and dance to it as you work. Grab the dust mops and pertain it is your partner. Push and pull the mop handle. What ever you do get the pulse racing and make yourself feel good at the same time. This is another one of my favorites. It brings back my dance days in school which is good for the memory.

What ever you choose to do take a hobby or project you enjoy and get your heart pumping – that is all that is truly needed in exercise – have fun and enjoy it.


Marcia Chumbley is a work at home mom and grandmother in Minnesota. She is the owner of a Christian Work from Home Moms and Grandparents web site at http://www.faithfulgrannies.com/. Bringing generations of Christian Work From Home Moms, Grandmothers, Parents, Boomers and Families together while providing resources, inspiration and affordable advertising while balancing the work at home experience.

Article Source: http://www.faithfulgrannies.com

Want to be More Attractive Be Nice

Want to be More Attractive? Be Nice!


Mom said beauty begins on the inside. It turns out she was right (Again). Research suggests that individuals who show positive personality traits are perceived as better looking.

by Dr. Galen Buckwalter, Ph.D.


Looking good is something everyone pays attention to. Even if they are blessed with natural good looks, everyone takes the time to get their hair in place and their shirt tucked in before they walk out the door. We don’t think twice about taking time to look good.
What if I were to tell you that one of the easiest things you can do to look better is to simply be nice to people? Rather than getting a makeover, you can instantly look better to people you meet by acting with kindness and compassion. Do you believe that? Let’s think it through this way.


Say you are at an airport, waiting for a plane, when you overhear someone of the opposite sex talking on the telephone. The person is seated behind you so you can’t see him or her. And let’s say the person seems to be talking to an assistant who has made a mistake. In a tone that couldn’t be more rude or disagreeable, he or she is saying something along the lines of, “Well, I went over this last week, and if I must go over it again perhaps you need to pick up a pencil and write down what I say.”
Compare this with the same scenario, but the person is engaged and cordial while explaining what he or she wants, addresses the person by name, puts the mistake in context, provides a helpful hint on how to handle such situations, and moves on.
When you turn around, who is going to look more attractive to you?
Recent research suggests that individuals who show positive personality traits such as kindness, honesty and helpfulness are perceived as better looking, while those who exhibit negative personality qualities such as unfairness and rudeness appear to be less physically attractive. Participants were shown pictures of people of the opposite sex and asked to rate them by physical attractiveness and desirability as a friend and as a romantic partner. The key to this experiment was that they rated each person both before and after receiving information about the person’s personality. First they reacted just to physical appearance, and then they reacted to physical appearance in combination with personality.
Positive personality was found to correlate with a greater desire to be the person’s friend. The desire to be a friend led, in turn, to a greater desire to have the person as a romantic partner. Having a desire for a romantic relationship ultimately led participants to view the people in the photos as more attractive.
To put this simply, nice is beautiful!
The findings did not differ based on gender; they were also consistent regardless of how attractive the person was initially perceived to be. That is, even beautiful people benefit by being nice.
The really good news is that we can all learn how to be nice people. Few of us are ever going to look like movie stars, but we can all increase our compassion and kindness. Researchers in Wisconsin found that people can be very easily trained to activate the part of the brain associated with happiness and compassion. By focusing on others and taking time to get outside of our own daily hassles, we do something that people cannot help but find appealing on every level. Beauty does start on the inside.

Clothes Line

Clothes Line

A clothes line was a news forecast
To neighbors passing by.
There were no secrets you could keep
When clothes were hung to dry.

It also was a friendly link
For neighbors always knew
If company had stopped on by
To spend a night or two.

For then you'd see the 'fancy sheets'
And towels upon the line;
You'd see the 'company table cloths'
With intricate design.

The line announced a baby's birth
To folks who lived inside
As brand new infant clothes were hung
So carefully with pride.

The ages of the children could
So readily be known
By watching how the sizes changed
You'd know how much they'd grown.

It also told when illness struck,
As extra sheets were hung;
Then nightclothes, and a bathrobe, too,
Haphazardly were strung.

It said, 'Gone on vacation now'
When lines hung limp and bare.
It told, 'We're back!' when full lines sagged
With not an inch to spare.

New folks in town were scorned upon
If wash was dingy gray,
As neighbors carefully raised their brows,
And looked the other way..

But clotheslines now are of the past
For dryers make work less.
Now what goes on inside a home
Is anybody's guess.

I really miss that way of life.
It was a friendly sign
When neighbors knew each other best
By what hung on the line!

Should you Cut your Losses?

Should you Cut your Losses?

Perfect relationships only exists in fairy tales. Still, sometimes it's hard to tell if the doubts about your relationship are normal or a sign of a bigger problem. Dig a little deeper and the answer will find you.

In some ways your new relationship seems to be going pretty well. But at the same time there are doubts that keep nagging at you. Maybe you have issues with the person’s table manners. Or their friends seem a little…off. Perhaps their goals (or lack thereof) are different than your own.

Or maybe it’s something else.
The point is that you’ve got some fairly significant concerns about whether to keep pursuing this person. But you wonder if you’re being too picky, or you should hold tight to your standards. In other words, should you cut your losses now, or be patient and tolerant to see where the future will take you?

This can be a pretty tough call to make. But if you can think through some key relational issues and stick to some basic guidelines, you’ll have a better chance of making a good, healthy decision as you try to determine just how significant you want to make this new other in your life.

Don’t Expect to Change Someone
There’s an old saying that you should never try to teach a pig to sing. The reason? It’s a waste of time, and it annoys the pig. Expecting to change a person that you’re dating falls into the “trying to teach a pig to sing” category. The simple fact is that for 99% of us, we are who we are. So no matter how much a person tries to change us, we’re not going to change. Plus, we’re going to resent the person who is pushing us to be something other than what we’ve already chosen to be. So don’t expect to change the person you’re with in any fundamental way. Still, that being said, …

Do Encourage Growth and Expose the Person to new Possibilities
There’s nothing wrong with presenting someone with ways they can improve as a person or shake off some of the rough, so that the diamond can shine through a bit more. The key questions are your motivation, and how you go about recommending growth. If you genuinely care for this person and see ways they can improve their quality of life, then that’s a justifiable motivation, especially if you can present your recommendations non-judgmentally and with respect. That’s much more legitimate than calling for change out of your own insecurities, and in such a way that makes them feel bad about themselves.

Don’t Change Who You Are
Just as you can’t expect to substantially change the other person, you also shouldn’t deny or give up on the most important parts of yourself. Sometimes we want to make a relationship work so much that we let go of what makes us who we are or what we truly want and need. But obviously, that’s a bad move for ourselves, for the relationship, and even for the other person we’re changing for. So remain true to who you are, and hold firm to your identity and core values. On the other hand, it’s also important that you …

Do Remain Open-Minded, Flexible, and Tolerant
Being consistent in terms of who you are and what you believe is a good thing. Being rigid is not. So even as you remain true to the essence of who you are, be careful to avoid being closed-minded about changes you could make to improve yourself, or your new relationship.

Don’t Settle
Let’s face it: all of us from time to time feel lonely and just want to be with someone. But do your best to keep in mind an important truth that you already know: It’s not healthy to accept less than you deserve, or less than you need, just because you’re afraid of being alone. There may be times when you feel like having someone—anyone—would be better than being by yourself. But fight the temptation to give in to this line of thinking. Instead, …

Do hold Firm to the Items on your “List”
You know what you want, and what you need, in a relationship. Chances are you’ve got a list in your mind (or even on paper) of the qualities you’re looking for in the person you date. There’s no reason not to expect to find someone who meets most of the items on your list and can make you happy. So if you have some non-negotiables, and this person in your life doesn’t meet the criteria you’ve set out, then be willing to move on without that person, and make yourself available for new possibilities. However, …

Don’t Work from an Unreasonable List
There’s nothing wrong with having standards, even high ones. But make sure that those standards are reasonable. For example, the length of a person’s second toe, or the fact that they sometimes chew with their mouth open, probably shouldn’t be an absolute deal-breaker. Also, it may not be realistic to expect to find someone who looks like a fashion model, or who loves the Dodgers as much as you do. Don’t overemphasize the small stuff, and don’t expect the impossible.

Do Think about what Matters most to You
Concentrate on whether you and this person are like-minded and compatible in terms of values and important issues. Then use your best judgment. Yes, it may be true that they don’t have a job right now. But if they’ve done cool or interesting work in the past and are legitimately in a transition phase, that’s different from someone who’s been “transitioning” for the past three years.

Don’t Avoid Making a Decision you Need to Make
This can be one of the most difficult truths to accept, but it’s also probably the most important. If you know that a person is wrong for you, and that they’ll never be right, then you have to walk away from the relationship. No matter how much you feel that you need them, don’t deny what you know to be true. Remember the words of Maya Angelou: “When people show you who they are, believe them.”

Do Trust your Instincts
Pay attention to what you’re feeling inside, and trust yourself to make the decision that’s right. If, when you’re being totally honest with yourself, you feel that you two have a real shot at creating something good together, then give it some more time and see what happens. But if your instincts tell you that it’s time to move on, then move on.

Exercise For the Boomer Women Who Hate It

Exercise For the Boomer Women Who Hate It

Going to the gym is all very well for the women who can get to one easily, and enjoy exercising in front of other people and who look good in a leotard. As women for the boomer generation many of our body parts do not stay in the same shape compared to our college days. Exercise equipment at home is fine if you have the room to store the machine when you are not using it, and the self motivation and will power to pull it out from the closet or under the bed everyday. For many of us exercise screams of torture, pain, and unpleasantness, and it doesn’t have to be that way.

Boomers or better know as peri-menopause can be a really exciting time in your life because you are finally empty nesters freeing yourselves from child rearing and family duties. Yes our commitment to the family, is still very strong, doesn’t (or shouldn’t) require you to spend all your time and energies devoted to them. Boomers is the start of the ‘ME-years’, and can be the start of a whole new adventure in your life. Take the time to take care of yourself first for a change since the nest is empty and we are now in control of ME first the Boomer generation.

Take the time at least 3 – 4 times a week to do something that you enjoy or a hobby that can give you great pleasure and get a bit of exercise at the same time. Here are just a few suggestions to get you started.

Walking Activities – walking is one of the best types of activities you can do and the cheapest. Power walk in one way then stroll back home on the return trip. Look for collectables (flowers, rocks, shells, leaves) for creative work. Take your dog with you or a friend. If you are an urban dweller then take advantage of the early morning or evening to window shop- you won’t be tempted to shop because the shops won’t be open but you can keep yourself updated on what is going on in your area. Become a mall walker for others, as you never have to worry about the outdoor eliminate. For those readers that are near the water actually wading along the edge of a lake, stream or beach can be a pleasant way of increasing the exercise for your legs.

Swimming - Find the quietest times at your local pool or beach and enjoy a leisurely swim combined with some underwater exercises such as leg extensions and squats. My favorite is the same movement as Cross County skiing in water it gives the resistance to the areas we all need the most arms and legs while holding the tummy muscles in.

Dance around your house – add a touch of zest to the dusting or when vacuuming – turn the music up loud and dance to it as you work. Grab the dust mops and pertain it is your partner. Push and pull the mop handle. What ever you do get the pulse racing and make yourself feel good at the same time. This is another one of my favorites. It brings back my dance days in school which is good for the memory.

What ever you choose to do take a hobby or project you enjoy and get your heart pumping – that is all that is truly needed in exercise – have fun and enjoy it.
Marcia Chumbley is a work at home mom and grandmother in Minnesota. She is the owner of a Christian Work from Home Moms and Grandparents web site at http://www.faithfulgrannies.com. Bringing generations of Christian Work From Home Moms, Grandmothers, Parents, Boomers and Families together while providing resources, inspiration and affordable advertising while balancing the work at home experience.
Article Source: http://www.faithfulgrannies.com